Prodigal Jenny

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My sister has said to me the last year or so that she is surprised I am not a writer. The quips and clips that I send to her in text messages (our preferred method of communication, sadly) lead her to believe that I should write a book, or a blog. Specifically a faith or inspirational one. I did actually tell her that I do have a blog, although a craft/knitting/crochet/cross stitch/embroidery/and maybe a little bit of faith one.

*cough*

Then just two Tuesdays ago one of my girlfriends and I were discussing faith and how God is moving in our lives and she actually said, “You know, I’ve always been surprised, since when we met, that you don’t write a faith blog.”

Wait… did you hear that record scratch? Wow, that was really loud.

Yes, I know the last post was in March, thankyouverymuch. Sorry that I didn’t tell you all about TNNA, or other developments. Truth be told, it’s been a bit busy here and this, among other things, became a bottom priority. What with my husband working severely long hours, my daughter traveling, homeschooling to keep up with, church activities – oh and the summer reading program at the library where I logged 6060 minutes over just a few weeks – I’ve been otherwise pretty much occupied.

Yep. Very busy. Too busy to even knit or cross stitch much.

Off and on over the last few months I have joined with a blog devotional study called SheReadsTruth.com for devotionals, having found them on Instagram and being pulled in by beautiful graphics and then amazing writing that cuts to the heart. I haven’t made it all the way through any of the series until now. Too busy, remember?

Speaking of busy, I’ve seen a good deal of quotes and write-ups about the prestige of busyness over the summer. Some of them very on point.

Sorry, off topic, back to Hosea, which just ended last week. They gave us participants an assignment last Friday, (of course I’ve been too busy) to write about how the study impacted us and what we learned from it.

So, here I go.

Just call me Moses. Exo 6:28-30

No really. I’ve spent a ton of time telling God that I couldn’t, that I can’t, that someone else is better, because I wasn’t equipped. Maybe my brother Arron would be far better for the job. I should know what I feel capable of, right?

Wow. How WRONG can I be?

I’ve spent most of my life misphrasing things, or sticking my foot in my mouth horrendously. Like don’t even want to talk to new people bad. And that one time I tried to teach a Sunday School class back in college? Wow, yeah, that was bad too. I know I can’t teach.

Would you believe I’ve said those words recently and have had people, friends especially, LAUGH IN MY FACE!??! Yeah, they have no idea, surely.

Except, you know, where they are glaringly correct. I teach knitting. Quite well, actually. I teach crochet, I’m great with beginners. I homeschool my children, which makes me not only principle, cafeteria lady, janitor, and bus driver… but, ohyeahhereitcomes, TEACHER.

Oh. I may be beginning to see. A little. Maybe.

As just a bit of preamble (not enough above huh?), I’ve been telling God that I am ready for whatever he has for me. The whole Isaiah 6:8 “Send me!” bit. Since the beginning of the year I’ve been ready for more. So, I felt led to join the College/Young Adult group at church called C360. I’ve been in there since right before they went to Passion at the beginning of the year. I was SO excited for them, I went to One Day in 2000 (a Passion event) and it was life changing for me. (Let me just add as an aside here, I’m going this Jan! SO EXCITED!) At some point Elizabeth, the real class leader, couldn’t be there so I led class for her. It went well. Then I took over a little more. I still considered myself someone on the sidelines. Just there to love on them and forge relationships.

Nothing big. I don’t have much time, remember?

So, then comes along the Hosea study.

Two weeks ago today, they challenged me in a HUGE way. They asked each of us to pray every day for two weeks for God to reveal to us our sin that we may be reconciled with Him. We were learning through the study a picture I had never noticed… you know the bible story where the Prodigal Son’s dad runs out to greet him? Did you notice how he runs? (It’s in Luke 15:20) I mean, I had heard it, I knew he did it… but I didn’t get the depth of that. The fact that it was undignified and unheard of and completely unthinkable. The the master of the household would run to greet his son. But we all know, right, that the father is supposed to depict the Father, right? The one Holy Abba who loves us. Ah, that had escaped me somehow, or at least the impact that it should make, anyhow.

Oh, yeah, back to that prayer challenge.

Ya’ll I’m not too bad. I don’t have any major vices, past my absolutely shameless caffeine addiction. I do love my coffee so. I try to be obedient when I know what He wants of me. But, I cried. Straight up, this had me quaking in my flip flops. I mean, what if there was something HUGE and GLARING and someone wasn’t gentle with me when God moved them to point it out to me? Oh, this was scary. What was I going to find? Oh, and we were to call two girlfriends to pray with us and for us.

So, I called Becky. That was a no brainer. She’s my soul sister, my impossible friend. The one God gave me very directly and no matter the distance I know we will always pick up wherever we left off. I also know, she’s quick to tell it like it is.

So then, who else to call? I have several ladies who would absolutely fit the bill. In the end, without much prompting, I called Elizabeth. She’s the afore mentioned co-leader of C360. She was happy to pray for me, and in return asked me to do the same for her. So I did.

By Saturday, I wasn’t hearing much.

A conversation on Sunday gave me a hint of the direction, but it wasn’t huge.

Monday, I had a better understanding.

Tuesday, a girlfriend whom I think of as someone I mentor spiritually totally turned the tables on me and it was a whole new kind of conversation. It was awesome.

Awesome, AND I knew what was wrong. Exactly where MY sin was.

By Wednesday morning, it was glaring and HUGE. 

Wednesday night, I was at C360 and confessing. Asking for forgiveness. Remember, I’m Moses? I can’t teach. I’m not gifted with words. Surely I’m not supposed to be LEADING Wednesday nights. I had been stepping in, getting more comfortable, but not willing to put in tons of time to write my own lesson. I don’t have time for that.

Oh, wait. God says I do.

Oh ho ho, buddy.

Previously, as we were asking for input in what study to pursue since the one we were doing had been completed, one of the class members suggested just opening the bible and reading through one of the books rather than doing a compiled study. I straight up stood there and told them that I was too busy to prep that sort of lesson. That I was too busy for them. That I was too busy for God.

That I was too busy for God.

Well, then. Apologize I did. And I am now spending several hours, of that unforseen free time that I have suddenly, prepping lessons. Because, when I said, “Send me!” And He said, “Over there in C360.” He didn’t mean for me to be the wallflower, or the quiet one. I may as well have been Jonah running the other way. I can’t teach! More importantly, when you love someone or something you spend time with them. Like I do with my husband, my children, my friends. (The odd thing? I’ve spent a lot more time knitting again these last two weeks.)

I’m called to teach, and very possibly called to write.

So, back to the Hosea study with SheReadsTruth.com… They asked us to write. How ironic.

Therefore, I’m writing. This blog may just take a new direction. Plenty of stitches, surely, but a good dose of everyday soul mending too. We’re resuming Faithful Fridays, I’m going to make time.

‘Cause He says too.

Post Script: He left me with Psalm 19:12-14 yesterday morning.

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